Children Shows Part One

I'm going to do a couple of little reviews of children television shows. Basically, I'd decided to get my criticisms of the shows my kids are watching off my chest. Join me as I bitch, moan, and complain about the "quality" children's programming of today!

Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated


I remember the original Scooby-Doo fondly. Sure, I was watching re-runs, but hey, I loved 'em. "Sooby-Doo", "What's New Scooby-Doo", "Scooby-Doo and the Thirteen Ghosts"... Hannah Barbara had my complete loyalty on Saturday mornings growing up. Even ABC's A Pup Named Scooby-Doo got me to watch. The more recent string of direct-to-DVD movies ranged from entertaining to "ow, ow, my my eyes and brains are melting!" (Scooby-Doo and the Goblin King, I'm looking at YOU). I haven't yet been able to force myself to watch the live action offerings, but my kids said they liked them. Bottom line, the old stuff was great when I was a kid, and my kids love the new stuff, so any new show featuring the talking dog and his meddling kids has a good chance of being pure gold.

Right?

"Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated" is Cartoon Network's latest offering to the franchise. While it continues the classic "monster of the week" feel that the old shows had, it also adds in a continuing plot to the series. Each episode is listed as a "chapter" in the story, and a larger mystery lurks behind the scenes, slowly revealing itself to  the characters and viewers as the hidden figure of "Mister E" (honestly, wasn't that joke used enough in the third Batman movie?) provides hints and clues Scooby and the gang.

The show is set in the town of Crystal Cove, supposedly the most haunted place on Earth. The whole gang are a group of teens (their age hasn't been announced, but they're old enough to have toured a college campus) that have formed a tight friendship due to their love of solving mysteries. Here's a quick description of the characters in their latest incarnations:

• Fred Jones is the son of Crystal Cove's Mayor, and it is safe to say that he's a mix of idiot and genius. This incarnation of Fred is obsessed with traps to the exclusion of all else. He builds traps in front of his house to catch the mail man, goes to trap exhibits, critiques any traps the police try to set, and even keeps a scrapbook of the various traps the gang have used over the years. Part and parcel with his obsession, Fred shows an amazing mastery of physics (as they pertain to traps, of course), but is clueless when it comes to everything else, including girls. He has recently come to realize that he is romantically interested in Daphne, having repressed his feelings over the years because he doesn't think boys are supposed to have feelings.
• Daphne Blake is one of several daughters to the extremely wealthy Blake family. While the rest of her sisters have progressed through school at an astonishing rate (her mother claims they had all graduated from the same school early) and gone on to careers in the military, science, and medical fields, Daphne wants nothing to do with it. All she wants is to date Fred, though she's trying to keep everyone else from knowing her feelings, probably because Fred's oblivious nature frustrates her so much. Daphne has an "odd" view about some things do her family's wealth; at one point she makes a comment that locking people up when they go crazy is normal because her family has to do that with her mother periodically. Daphne is also an excellent singer, singing with the Hex Girls at one point in the show. Of all the characters, Daphne is probably the most aware of what's going on with the rest of the gang. She's the first to figure out that Velma and Shaggy are in a relationship, and she often tries to comfort Velma.
• Velma Dinkley isn't the shy nerd that everyone remembers. She's still a genius/nerd, but she's also VERY aggressive and outspoken, at one point ordering Fred to "man up" in the first episode. She likes Shaggy and is trying to date him, but she also insists on changing him. She demands that he eat better, stop using the word "like", dress nicer... It's actually hard to understand how she likes him since she wants to change EVERYTHING about him. Velma's parents run a tour of Crystal Cove's haunted attractions, often having Velma give the tours. Velma hates being a tour guide, especially since all of the ghosts of Crystal Cove have been proven to be fakes. Frankly, Velma's a bitch in this new series, but at least she doesn't lose her glasses EVERY episode.
• Shaggy Rogers is the ever-hungry son of another of Crystal Cove's wealthy families. His parents seem completely disappointed in him, wanting almost nothing to do with Shaggy. They're upset with his lack of ambition, slovenly attitude, and the friends he keep. They seem to feel everything he does is an embaressment to them, at one point asking him not to tell anyone his last name. Shaggy is best friends with Scooby-Doo, but is conflicted because he also likes (and wants to date) Velma. Velma's possessive and controlling nature grates on Shaggy, and he feels caught between hanging out with his best pal and his girlfriend. The fact that Scooby and Velma are unwilling to share Shaggy doesn't make things easier on him, and Shaggy is constantly trying to get out of needing to choose between the two, creating huge amounts of tension among the gang.
• Scooby-Doo is still a talking dog, who is capable of eating one out of house and home. He is best friends with Shaggy, but their friendship has become strained due to Shaggy's relationship with Velma. Scooby-Doo seems to think that Shaggy is "cheating" on him. Scooby-Doo retains the magical ability to manipulate things as if he had opposable thumbs, such as tying complicated knots.Frankly, if you leave out the jealous nature, this is the same Scooby-Doo that we've always known and loved.

The show has been tuned up for the modern age despite the anachronisms (people still wear ascots). The local radio station host (a friend of the gang; they often hang out at the station with her) actually thinks its funny that the gang doesn't know what an 8-track tape is. Most of the monsters make use of fantastic technology to deceive the people of Crystal Cove. One monster, a mass of Cicada insects, is using military-grade sonic technology to coordinate and control the insects. Another uses advanced robotics to create a killer robot hound. Another use of sonic technology allows a monster who can knock over CARS with its sonic scream. Frankly, the rare appearance of a dude wearing a mask and using a projector is welcome in this series, because the villains are usually making use of such fantastic and unbelievable technology that it seems implausible that this gang of kids could catch them.

The show has been written for parents as well as kids. Many jokes are hidden within the episodes, and most of them will only be picked up by parents. At one point Fred's father says "By Grabthar's Hammer!", a reference to a line in the movie "Galaxy Quest". An entire episode is dedicated to writers like H.P. Lovecraft (called "Hatecraft" in the show), Harlan Ellison, and Howard E Roberts. It's actually great fun to pick the jokes out, and provide a nice distraction from the silly plots. There is also, disturbingly, a "Silence of the Lambs" reference in the show, though it is a talking bird (parrot maybe?) playing the role of Hannibal Lector.

Kids are going to like this show, because it's Scooby-Doo, and that's a tried and true formula. Older kids might even enjoy it because of the romance elements in the show (that's the only reason I can think of to include them). Adults should enjoy the hidden jokes. The show has its flaws, but there are far worse things out there. I'm happy might kids like to watch this show, and I'll keep showing it to them in the future.

End of Demented Rambling.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Tuesday Lisa and I went to see Resident Evil: Afterlife on IMAX 3-D. After taking a few days to digest the movie, I'm ready to share my thoughts.

Let me begin by saying that I am a huge fan of the Resident Evil game franchise. Though late to the party, I have eagerly collected every title I could find (though I'm still lacking the PS2 titles). Like many fans I eagerly awaited RE4 and the change in game play. I was reluctant about the change in focus from zombies to the plagas, but after playing RE4 I became fully supportive of the change. I loved that the plagas returned in RE5, and I really enjoyed that game.

But we're talking about the movies here... still, now you know my bias.

I enjoyed the first and second Resident Evil movies, but hated Extinction with a passion. So when I heard about Afterlife, my first thought was "I'm going to hate this movie". Then I heard it was being filmed in 3D, and I said "So the movie industry is exploiting this gimmick AGAIN. Great. This is REALLY going to suck." Needless to say, I was going into this movie hostile.

I came out of the theater happy. I enjoyed Afterlife. Not that it doesn't have problems, because it does. Lots of them. Still, it was a fun movie. I'll try to explain my positives and negatives for Afterlife below.

Resident Evil: Afterlife takes two of my biggest problems with the movie franchise (Alice is a superhuman and Alice has an army of clones of herself) and rids itself of them VERY quickly. Alice goes back to being a normal human being (kind of; see my problems with the movie below), and the clones go out with a bang. A big bang. Visually, director and writer Paul W.S. Anderson has chosen to move the films in line with the games, giving the current zombies a look that resembles the Majini from RE5. It's a great visual, and a nice attempt to tell game fans "I haven't departed COMPLETELY from the games".

Claire Redfield is back (yay for characters from the games!) and this time Chris Redfield is introduced as well. Unfortunately, they both play second-fiddle to Alice. Viewers willing to sit through some credits also get a brief look at Jill Valentine, appearing like she does in RE5.

Returning to its game roots is all well and good, but it does lead to one of my problems with the movie. At this point the Resident Evil movies have diverged SIGNIFICANTLY from the games, mainly because of the events in Extinction. Anderson has written an alternate setting where most of the world's population has become the walking dead, leaving only a scattered group of survivors looking for places of refuge, or Umbrella bases trying to find a way to return humanity to the surface of the planet.

While Anderson has visually brought in the creatures from the later games, he has failed to explain HOW they've come to be. Here's an example. The zombies that now look like the Majini from the games. In the games, the Majini are a result of exposure to plagas parasites that have taken over and mutated their hosts. The plagas, in turn, were discovered by European miners. They have NO connection to Umbrella before RE5 in the games. In the movies zombies have taken on Majini traits because... well, who knows. No reference is made to the plagas, the zombies are called "zombies" and the characters in the film don't seem surprised by this change... so the viewer is left wondering what happened.

Plot holes like these are riddled throughout the movie. Claire Redfield loses her memory because of a device implanted on her chest by Umbrella. In the games this device is implanted on Jill Valentine's chest to pump a performance enhancing chemical into her that also keeps Jill subservient to Wesker. The device in the movie... well, apparently it makes Claire forget her whole life, and ONLY Claire, because another character freed from the same device exhibits no evidence of memory loss whatsoever. Chris has to tell Claire that he is her brother... but we never get any memory flashbacks  to actually show us that this is true, or the nature of their relationship in the movies (after all, we can't assume it is the same as the games when Anderson has changed so much). The biggest plot hole is Wesker claiming that the Redfield siblings have become a thorn in his side... when he has only met them five minutes prior to making the statement, and neither has been shown to have had any past history with Umbrella. Perhaps there's a deleted scene to explain it, but the finished product in theaters doesn't.

Afterlife also has problems with its use of 3D. Frankly, the 3D is boring and adds almost NOTHING to the viewing experience. At no time did any 3D effect shock or wow me. There were some great opportunities for the 3D effects to make some "jump" moments... but Anderson fails to exploit them.

Still, the movie is fun. Don't over-analyze it, because it can't stand up to it. Fans of the movies who don't know much about the games will be lost (it borrows too much from RE5 without explanation), but if you aren't trying to match up the games and the movies you'll probably just say "wow, that looks cool!" Either way, sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the ride.

End of Demented Ramblings.

A Great Book To Recommend

Are you a fan of memoirs?

Do you recognize the cultural commentary in George Romero's zombie movies?

Have you read the Zombie Survival Guide back to back, and written criticisms in the margins?

If so, have I got the book for you...

Brains: A Zombie Memoir by Robin Becker.

Don't really click to look inside; I took the image from Amazon.

Brains is narrated by English-professor-turned-zombie, Jack. As a zombie virus is unleashed on the world, Jack finds himself transformed into one of the walking dead. Unlike the shambling masses around him, Jack has retained his intelligence and has the amazing ability to communicate through writing. Sadly, Jack's abilities with speech are... less than successful.

Filled with an overwhelming desire for brains, and the need to create a zombie society, Jack sets off in search of other intelligent zombie and the creator of the zombie virus. He meets a large cast of zombies who are capable of fighting off their need to feed, and creates a small "family" with them. There's Joan, the former nurse who retains her ability to patch up her dead brethren. Guts, a small child who is quite empathic with other zombies and can move as if he were still alive. Ros, the soldier-turned-zombie who can actually SPEAK. Annie, the teenage zombie who has amazing sharpshooting skills. The group also keeps a couple of non-intelligent zombies around, including Eve, a woman Jack turned into a zombie to be his "wife".

The book takes the reader through the trials, tribulations, and triumphs of Jack's band of shambling misfits. From being captured by the military, hunting a Wal-Mart for brains, capturing a living person to act as a driver, and finally wintering at the bottom of Lake Michigan to hide from human hunting parties, the zombies provide a delightful, if sometimes disturbing, tale. Becker has laced Jack's narrative with sarcastic references to pop culture that left me laughing out loud. I rooted for the zombies the whole time, even when they were at their most despicable.

Obviously, I liked the book, and I recommend it to everyone who enjoys zombies or dark comedies. I found the book in the Horror section at my local Borders bookstore, but I wouldn't really classify it as such. There was nothing to invoke horror in the reader, really, but I'm not sure where else they COULD classify it. If my description sounds interesting, but your not a "reader", fear not! Brains comes in at only 182 pages; I finished it in less than a day, and the chapter lengths were short enough that there plenty of good places to set the book down if life prevents you from reading large chunks at a time (like having three kids).

End of Demented Rambling

Because I Didn't Get To Do This Yesterday...

Too busy running around yesterday to get this done when I should have.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEX!!!!!!!


I love you son.


End of Demented Rambling.

Quick Post

So I was going to write a review for Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Wii.

I can't. I don't want to review a product without having completed at least 80% of it.

I'm going to sum this up quick:

The creators of this product don't "get" what made Silent Hill good, nor how to "reboot" a series, because I don't WANT anything that follows this game. I loved some of the ideas in theory. Normal guy can't fight off the strange monsters, but instead has to run away while they chase them? Nice concept, but turns into crap game play that is more frustrating than suspenseful. The game psychologically profiles me to help make it scarier? Cool... except that I wasn't find that to be the case.

I'll be blunt; I was playing the other night, got through a nightmare sequence, completed several puzzles, and then entered a new nightmare sequence. I saved and told Lisa "Yeah, I'm just not in the mood for another chase tonight." and then each time I thought about starting the game up I thought "Yeah, but I'll have to do a nightmare sequence right away... and that just sucks." So here's the point: If there is an element to your game that makes me not want to pick back up the Wii remote... YOU FAILED. If I would rather go back to a game from my ORIGINAL XBOX and play that, YOU FAILED. Games are for entertainment.

Me no entertained, YOU FAIL!!! Small words make sense?

Not to be entirely negative, I've recently remembered how much Deus Ex from Eidos (yeah, they do more than Tomb Raider!) and the sequel, Deus Ex: Invisible War ROCKS (though Deus Ex was better than the sequel, but what can you do?). I can't wait for Deus Ex: Human Resistance. Something about these games just work for me.

Oh, and there's a new Spider-Man game coming out that apparently features Spider-Man 2099. This makes me happy. Very happy. Here's a link: http://spidermandimensions.marvel.com/ I may be in a minority for people who really enjoyed the 2099 lines, but I don't care. They were fun (favorite: Ghost Rider 2099).

End of Demented Rambling.

Rambling Review: Food Network Cook or Be Cooked for the Wii

Summery: This sounds like a cool idea; a game that teaches you how to cook mixed with the Wii's motion controls! Sadly, it comes out a little under-cooked, bland, and too far from actual cooking to be from a network dedicated to the art of creating food dishes.

There's a few of these cooking games out on the market now. America's Test Kitchen has one for the Nintendo DS, and Personal Trainer: Cooking, plus more (really, the DS is apparently THE PLATFORM to use video games to teach cooking techniques). Apparently these video games are becoming a bit of a trend, like fitness video games. Still, I hadn't played any of them prior to discovering Food Network's Cook or Be Cooked game. My first thoughts were "Damn, that sounds like fun; an actual game with motion controls that let me really chop the ingredients, stir the pots, and all the other items, plus it includes recipes!" We put it into our Game Queue at GameFly and recently had it delivered to our door.

The Story Behind the Game: Food Network personalities magically come through your TV and then WON'T GO AWAY.

Of course, these aren't the Food Network personalities we might WANT to see. I can think of a variety of personalities that I'd love to have magically walk through my TV and help me cook. Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, Guy Fieri, Giada De Laurentiis, Tyler Florence... I'd love one on one lessons from any of them! And for the fun of a video game, who could top Alton Brown, the guy who figured out how to make an instructional cooking show into something like Bill Nye The Science Guy?

Instead, we get Susie Fogelson and Mory Thomas. Wondering who they are? Well, why wouldn't you? Susie Fogelson is basically in charge of product marketing for the Food Network (I'm sure its more complicated than that, and I know her position is VERY important for the Network). Basically, she helps those Food Network Stars get their cookbooks, knife sets, special pots and pans, etc out on the market. She's also part of the selection committee from The Next Food Network Star show; so if you're not a fan of that, you've never heard of her. Mory Thomas? He's a chef in the Food Network Kitchens... and I only know this because of the product description! In other words, he's not a name I recognize or care about.

Now, I understand Ms.. Fogelson being in the game, at least kind of. Food Network-philes were probably considered the target audience for the game, and such people have probably watched AT LEAST one season of The Next Food Network Star, and her role in that show does give her experience judging food... but frankly, she's a corporate suit (as far as I know), so hearing her comment over how fast I chopped the garlic is meaningless to me. And Mory Thomas... I can only assume that the big names (and little) for the network assumed the game would bomb and didn't want their names associated with it, so they stuck, essentially, a nobody in the role. The only problem is, THE NOBODY IS THE ONE GIVING ME MY RECIPES FOR THE GAME.

Gameplay: You chop, you peel, you stir, you preheat... all with the Wii remote!

The game does what it sets out to do. You're given a number of meals to prepare for Susie and Mory to taste and judge. You are scored based on how fast you accomplish your goals, how warm the dishes are when they're served, etc. Various mini-games walk you through the steps of preparing whatever dish you're  working on, and an on-screen display shows the motion you're supposed to use with the Wii remote to accomplish all this. For example, you use a chopping motion with the remote to make the on-screen knife chop the ingredient, stir with the remote, and make flipping motions to use tongs or spatulas. That part's not bad.

The game ALSO requires you to have the nunchuk plugged in. Why? Well, to be honest, BECAUSE THEY DAMN WELL WANTED IT TO. Seriously. There is no function they used the nunchuk for that could not have been used with just the Wii remote. You wave the nunchuk frequently to pull an ingredient out... but they could have just had you wave the Wii remote (or nothing at all, since the FREQUENTLY DON'T REQUIRE YOU TO WAVE ANYTHING). You can press the Z-button to speed up time, but there are plenty of buttons not used on the Wii Remote that could have served this purpose (like the 1 or 2 button). And then at some points the randomly switch into a rhythm-based mini-game where you wave the Wii remote or nunchuk as a topping falls from the top of the screen into a box... which feels more like it belongs on one of the Wii Fit's mini-games!

Scoring is... strange as well. The game won't teach you proper technique for cutting or, well, much of anything. If you didn't know how to smash garlic before you might pick up that trick, or maybe a fast way to dice onions, but Food Network-philes have seen these tricks hundreds of times before. Oddly enough, the game NEVER wants you to de-seed a jalapeno; but magically, only the "pepper" portion of the jalapeno ends up in the bowl. So despite the fact that you aren't learning proper technique you ARE scored based on how fast you chop, whether you hit a target area for pouring or shaking a salt shaker, etc. It's nit-picking, and not helpful to the game's premise of helping teach you the recipes (I don't HAVE to chop that fast to make my food taste good, dammit!). After an element of your dish is finished a meter appears to let you know how warm it is; the longer you take to finish the other parts, the colder that element will be. Hot elements get you a lot of points, warm will get you some points, and cold elements deduct points.

Once you've gotten scored the virtual Susie and Mory will "taste" your food and then comment on it. And frankly, the comments are annoying. They'll award you a Bronze, Silver, or Gold medal (or announce that you've been cooked). You can scroll through the dishes to see what your scores were in each section, but would have been nice was advice to help make the dish better next time (for example, "You need to start your cous cous a little later so it will be warm when you serve the plate", or something like that). And some of the comments are bizarre. If you earn a Bronze, Mory will often say "It's a good thing I'm hungry," a comment that I take to mean that the meal is not good at all, but apparently I still earned enough to get a damn medal!

You can also review individual recipes. This sounds like a great idea "hey, that tuna dish sounded good, how do I make that in real life?" Only there's a problem. Like not including the quantities of ANY ingredient in the recipe kind of problem. Seriously, how can you claim to provide me with recipes if you don't include any quantities?

Combat: If only!

I mean, I have knives, skillets, there are annoying people I want to hit... motion-sensitive controllers.... wait, am I going too far here?

Conclusion: Food Network Cooked or Be Cooked is cold... and I want to warm it back up by putting the disc in my microwave.

Honestly, as my first exposure to cooking games... I hope this isn't the norm. It's a neat idea, at first. It sounds cool, we've got the controllers to let me feel like I'm chopping... but after a few dishes the shine has worn off, and I'm wanting to take a skillet to the virtual "personalities" (who I don't care about) who dare to criticize my "cooking". If Food Network wanted to try another cooking game I'd be open to trying it... but only if I actually had REAL Food Network personalities involved, and if the mini-games were toned down. I'm going to give this one a 2/5 score... and the only reason it isn't a 1 out of 5 is because I think they could build from this and make a good Food Network Cook or Be Cooked 2.

End of Demented Rambling.

Dear Bioware, My Wishlist For Dragon Age 2...

I've been playing through Dragon Age Origins with all the downloaded content and Awakenings recently. This new session of playing a game that I really should be tired of (but somehow I'm not) has affirmed a few of my beliefs regarding what I would (and would not) want to see in Dragon Age 2. I'd write Bioware a letter, but since it's possible we're getting the game in February, I kind of doubt that there's much point. Still, here's what I'd ask for:

Please Keep:

• Conversations among the party members; many of these were hilarious.
• Customizable tactics for my characters so I can just play my character if I want.
• Rich and detailed origins stories for the main character. In fact, give me more of these!
• Specializations to let my characters of the same class feel different from one another.
• The inventory system (but you can do away with the "junk" category; it's purpose could be accomplished with a simple "Do you really want to destroy this item?" confirmation box).
• The HUGE number of Codex entries.
• Stamina droughts. WHY WEREN'T THOSE IN THE MAIN GAME?!?!?!?

Please Add:

• The ability for me to sort the order of my Codex entries (make newest entries on top, all unread entries on top, whatever) OR make it so I need to "mark" an entry as read by pressing a button or something, rather than marking it read as soon as I scroll over it. I like the Codex, and I'd like to be able to find my new entries.
• Different skill lists for each class. Make the lists bigger, let classes have unique skills to help make this part of the game feel like more than an afterthought. Rogues can keep things like Stealing, Poison Making, and Trap Making (oh, and change the lockpicking and stealth Talents into skills). Warriors could have skills that help them aggro their foes (move those Taunt abilities to skills, rather than Talents), and maybe armor or weapon crafting skills. Mages can have Herbalism, Rune-Making and the like. You can keep some skills generic (survival & coercion for instance). Just do SOMETHING so I feel like I have a place to put skill points for my warriors once I've maxed out combat training!
• More enemy types, either enemies who look different (all shades are exactly the same), or just a greater variety of creatures so I don't run the risk of feeling like I'm fighting the same Qunari Mercenary over and over again.
• More download content that provides either new characters or greater background on existing characters. Alternatively, new Specializations from DLC. 
• More consistency between the storyline elements and the codex (why is the Sloth Demon ruling over two Desire Demons, when the Desire Demons are considered higher ranked?).
• Download content that actually works with your goddamn expansion pack!!!! Seriously, if it came out ON RELEASE, then there is NO REASON that my items should vanish when I import my character to your next expansion. Telling me that the items were only intended for Origins is bullshit.

Please Get Rid Of:

• Not being able to access my companion's crafting skills while I'm camping. I don't like needing to leave camp to make a Health Poultice or Vigil Keep just to work on making that Paragon Flame Rune. Sure, you could say "but if the main character has those crafting skills you're set!" However, if I want to maintain consistency with your background for the world, only a dwarf should be able to take Rune Crafting... and maybe I don't think Herbalism fits with my warrior. It's an RPG, don't make me take skills for a character that I don't feel fit just to make crafting them convenient!
• Stamina/Mana and Health increases as skills. Just... no. This was silly. Could you seriously not come up with better skills?
• Buying additional Tactic Slots with my skill points. Sure, I needed somewhere to dump all those skill points, but if you'd actually concentrated on your skill system to begin with I would have HAD somewhere. If you think I'll want more slots, just increase how many I get from leveling up!
• Specializations from an expansion not updating the original game to let me use them all the time. This last play through had me not leveling my main character after a certain point because I wanted to save my Talent slots for either Awakening Specialization Talents, the new weapon skill path, or the extra class paths... If I could have used the new specializations earlier, I could have saved myself the hassle.
• Everything coming from the Fade. Look, if the Fade is so bad, why wouldn't the Chantry just wipe out the mages? They become Abominations, possibly created the Darkspawn, and help thin the veil so all these damn spirits can escape into our world (and apparently it happens ALL THE TIME in Ferelden).

Does anyone agree with me?

End of Demented Rambling.

Rambling Review: Alan Wake for the Xbox 360!

ALAN WAKE


(Game Trailer)


Summery: This game was a lot of fun, despite repetitive gameplay.

I was eagerly excited for the release of Alan Wake for the Xbox 360. A video game where you play a best-selling author in a horror story, with inspirations from Twin Peaks? How could I not be excited? I watched all of the promotional material I could find, including the 6-part web series Bright Falls released as a prelude to the game. I was a little upset that I didn't get a copy sent to me right away (which is why this Rambling Review is showing up so late to the game), but that's what happens sometimes with new releases and GameFly.

The Story Behind the Game: Famous writer tries to rescue wife from a supernatural entity.

The main character of the game is, unsurprisingly, Alan Wake, a fictional best-selling author known for his series of crime novels. In his last book Wake killed off the main character of his series so he could move on to something new (Reminds me of ABC's Castle), but is stuck in a rut and hasn't written so much as a page in two years. In fact, he gets furious at anyone who tries to stick him in front of a typewriter. To get away from everyone (including his best friend, and agent, Barry), Alan and his wife, Alice, decide to go on vacation to a secluded town called Bright Falls. They're renting a cabin for a couple of weeks, just in time for Bright Falls' famous "Deer-fest".

Alan and Alice arrive in Bright Falls via ferry and drive out to their cabin on an island in the middle of a prominent local water feature: Cauldron Lake. It seems like things are going to be nice and quiet for the couple. We learn that Alice is terrified of the dark, something Wake seems more than willing to help her out with whenever she freaks out. Unfortunately, Alice had an ulterior motive for getting Alan to Bright Falls; she's hoping the vacation will recharge his creative batteries, and if that fails there happens to be a treatment center for creative artists where she wants Alan to seek treatment.

Alan discovers all of this, and we discover that Alan has a temper. A bad one. He storms out on Alice, but doesn't get very far before all the lights go out in the cabin, and Alice starts screaming for help. Alan races back to help her, only to discover that Alice has somehow been pulled into the lake. Alan leaps in after her...

... and wakes up in his wrecked car, a week later. Now he has to find out what happened to Alice, to his missing week, and why he keeps finding pages of one of his manuscripts that he doesn't remember reading... and that seem disturbingly prophetic.

I like the story for this game. I was excited for the game due to the back story prior to the game's release, and the rest of the story revealed throughout the game continued to interest me the whole time. The game's resolution is satisfyingly ambiguous; you have a good idea of what happened, but there's plenty of room left for a sequel. And I want a sequel, even if Alan Wake isn't actually the main character (though I'm not sure how you'd continue the naming trend for the franchise if the main character isn't Wake).

The game is divided into six easily-digested "episodes" that make it almost feel like a television episode. The beginning of each episode recaps the "game thus far" in a "Last Time, on Alan Wake"-style narration. This makes it very easy to finish an episode, move on to some other task you need to get done in your day, and come back later to pick up where you left off without losing your place in the storyline.

Gameplay: The game is a third-person shooter that focuses on using light to weaken enemies before you finish them off with a weapon.

Alan Wake places a lot of emphasis on light and darkness, particularly since the game's "Big Bad" is called The Dark Presence. Wake needs to make use of a flash light to weaken his enemies so he can the kill them with either a revolver, shotgun, or hunting rifle. Wake can also use a flare gun to take out multiple enemies at once (though stronger enemies will survive this attack), road flares to keep his foes at bay, and flashbang grenades to take care of those pesky mobs that try to overwhelm him.

The controls are set up nicely on the Xbox 360 controller. Movement and camera control are the standard left-stick and right-stick (respectively). You can select different weapons using the direction pad. Shotguns and Hunting Rifles both use the Up button, so you can only carry one of them at a time (nice that they didn't make the writer into Rambo). You shoot any gun-like weapon with the right trigger, and you throw a road flare or flashbang with the right bumper (you select which one using the down button on the direction pad). The player can reload Wake's weapons by pressing the X button (pressing it repeatedly will speed-up the reloading process), jump with the A button, and interact with most things using the B button. Wake's flashlight is always on (when he has one!), so all you need to do is aim it to start weakening your foes, but it works better if you "focus" the beam by holding down the left trigger. Focusing the flashlight drains batteries, however, but they'll slowly recharge over time, or you can put new ones in by pressing the Y button. The left bumper lets Wake run or dodge attacks.

Most of the gameplay is exploration mixed with combat. There's a little bit of platforming in the game, and some instances where Wake is driving a vehicle. To my surprise, the driving sections are fun, rather than the usual torture I find most driving sections in games where the driving isn't the main focus.

When Wake isn't fighting his enemies he'll want to keep an eye out for manuscript pages. These pages gives the player a "sneak preview" of either an upcoming event, or gives further insight into a character's motives. The pages are presented as type-written pages from a manuscript (you know, the exact things they're supposed to be), but Wake will read them out loud for those players who don't like reading during their games. Personally, I read faster than the audio, so I normally read them really quick and exited from them before the audio was done playing. They aren't long at all (in fact, I would hazard to say that NO ONE would actually write a story in that kind of format, but their purpose is to be self-contained, not a continuous document).

Wake can also find coffee thermoses hidden all over the place (finding them helps unlock achievements, but have no effect on gameplay), radios that let you listen in on the local radio station (providing you with some more of that lovely "local flavor" in Bright Falls), and find televisions that play episodes of "Night Springs", a Twilight Zone-esque short film with HORRID video-audio synch that are amusing when you want to take a break. Secret caches of supplies are hidden throughout the game, revealed only by the photosensitive paint that leads Wake to them.

Combat: You're going to do this OVER and OVER and OVER, but it's fun, so you won't complain!

The basic enemy of the game is called The Taken; a citizen of Bright Falls who has been possessed by the Dark Presence, and is now covered in Darkness to make him invulnerable. Wake can weaken The Taken by using his flashlight to dispel the Darkness protecting them, but they're still under the mental domination of the Dark Presence and need to be put down with a weapon. You will fight hundreds, if not thousands, of these enemies, with the same basic formula: 1. Focus the flashlight beam on The Taken until the Darkness is dispelled, 2. Blow it away with a weapon! It could get boring, but the game manages to keep it fresh. Some of The Taken are stronger than others and can survive multiple shots, and some can move with supernatural speed so you can barely see them as they move. The game likes to swarm you with Taken, providing higher-powered lamps to help you deal with them, or gas tanks to explode. Large areas of light (like under a lamp post) can be safe havens from your enemies.

Alan Wake also pits you against flocks of possessed birds that you fight primarily with your flash light (they're weak enough that you don't need the guns, but the flare gun can normally kill almost the whole flock). If the birds and The Taken aren't enough for you, the Dark Presence can also possess physical objects (like oil barrels) and throw them at Wake, or even vehicles (like bulldozers!) to try and flatten Wake. Like the birds, Wake just needs to use his flashlight against these possessed objects, but the game will throw in some Taken from time to time to keep things from being too easy!

Weaknesses: Not everything is perfect.

Sometimes the game throws some problems. The character animations aren't the best, with facial expressions seeming flat at times. As mentioned before, the video-audio synch on the Night Springs episodes are HORRIBLE, but I suspect this was on purpose. The most annoying part of the game, for me, was that there were times when Wake decides to ditch his gear for NO GOOD REASON. I lose my gear in a car wreck? No problem. I switch to a new episode with just the basic flashlight and now weapons? KEEP THE HEAVY-DUTY LAMP AND THE SHOTGUN YOU MORON!!!!

Seriously, for a character who KNOWS that supernatural entities are going to try to kill him as soon as the lights go out, Wake is oddly idiotic at times.

Conclusion: It's good!

In conclusion, Alan Wake was a LOT of fun. I enjoyed the storyline to the very end, and I'm looking forward to a sequel without feeling cheated by not having a clean "ending" to the game's story. The combat is repetitive, but still fun so I can forgive it, and the various little bits like the Night Springs episodes hidden throughout the game give the whole thing great flavor. Rating this game I give the story a 4/5 and the gameplay a 3/5 (lower only because of all the repetition).

End of Demented Rambling.

Gotta Love "Backwords Compatibility" Issues

I'm eagerly awaiting the release of the new game Alan Wake for the Xbox 360 next week; I've got my GameFly queue all ready for it t be sent to us.

In the meantime, however, I'm wanting to just play something for fun. I was playing Elder Scrolls: Arena (yeah, the very FIRST Elder Scrolls game that's contemporary with, I don't know, DOOM!) on my laptop, but that got me itching to retry Morrowind again. Since my original Xbox is all boxed up, I broke out my Game of the Year Edition to play on my 360.

Now to be fair, GotYE isn't on the list of backwards-compatible games, but the original Morrowind IS. I started up my character and went and joined the Mages Guild. I went through some of my duties, and was having a good time. Then this morning I left to take Cassandra to school. I came back, loaded up my disc, waited for the long wait while the emulator got itself set up to run the game....

... and watched the 360 freeze while trying to load my saved game.

I tried again.

And again.

Again.

Grrrrr...

I cleared my cache. Twice. Waited 10 minutes at one point, and kept getting the message that the game won't work...

... and answered with "YOU WERE JUST WORKING FINE THIS MORNING YOU PIECE OF $H!T!!!"

VERY upset (could you tell?) I tried to load an older saved game under the irrational thought of "maybe something's wrong with this area!"

... and it WORKED.

For a while.

Then later, I died (ok, my character, y'knew what I meant!). I went to reload my game.

ERROR MESSAGE!!!!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Still trying to resolve the issue.

End of Demented Rambling.

Person From China, Stay Out of My E-Mail!

So I just signed into my Gmail account to publish a video I took of Lex doing a somersault to Facebook. I was greeted with a message from Google:

"Your account may have been compromised."

It turns out that someone from a Chinese IP address tried to access my Gmail account. Why? Who knows? I'm going to need to go back through the Sent folder and see if anything was sent via my account. Meanwhile, I've changed my password and my password retrieval method to something a little stronger.

What a pain in the ass.

End of Demented Rambling.

Dresden Files RPG

I think I've commented on how much I enjoy Jim Butcher's Dresden Files books. I recently got to read the latest release Changes, and was left wanting more for my fix... and then I was lucky enough to get my hands on the pre-release .pdfs for the upcoming Dresden Files RPG sent out to those who had pre-ordered the game from Evil Hat Productions.

According to what I've read on RPG.net the .pdfs are approximately 90% complete, with some revisions still being done for the final print release (due out around either Origins or GenCon of this year), but I'm hard-pressed to see WHERE such revisions are still needed! The game is, without question, fantastic. Previously I had held Eden Studio's Buffy RPG as the best example of a licensed product fitting its source, but I'm handing the title over to the Dresden Files RPG. (I'm going to shorten this to DFRPG)

DFRPG was written using the FATE system, just like another Evil Hat Productions RPG I've read, Spirit of the Century, but this is an updated version of FATE and has differences. Rather than compare the two, I'm just going to blab about the version in DFRPG! At its core FATE is a simple system using FUDGE dice to determine the results of dice rolls. What are FUDGE dice, you ask? They're a set of six-sided dice, but rather than pips numbered from 1-6, these dice have either a +, - , or ' ' (that's blank) on them. You roll 4 of these dice together, add up all the + signs you get, subtract any - signs from this total, and that gives you the results of your roll, which you then add to any modifiers you might have. Compare that total to the difficulty of your roll, and you've determined whether you've succeeded or not. A pretty simple core concept.

Adding depth to this system are Fate Points and Aspects. Aspects are items that add description to your character, either through a phrase, naming a person or organization important to that character, or describing a place or item that's important. Aspects are not only a way of describing your character, they're also a way for a player to tell the GM "Hey, I want THIS in the game!" In other words, if I take HUNTED BY THE BROTHERHOOD OF SKRANG as an Aspect, there damn well better be a Brotherhood of Skrang in the game, and it better be hunting my character! Beyond providing a description of your character, Aspects can also provide mechanical benefits to your character, or offer opportunities to gain Fate Points. Fate Points are used primarily to power certain abilities or to gain benefits from Aspects. By spending a Fate Point a player can invoke an appropriate Aspect to either give a small bonus on a skill roll, or allow the player to re-roll the dice for one skill roll (the player gets to choose). The GM can compel the character in some way through Aspects, either limiting the character's possible actions or introducing new elements to the game through the Aspect to make things more interesting. Players may also try to do this if they think of something neat or interesting. If a player agrees to be limited by the compel in some way, they get a Fate Point. They can choose to refuse to deal with the Compel by spending a Fate Point. I'll talk a little more about Aspects in a bit.

Characters are also represented through Skills, though in FATE skills represent a combination of actual skills (like Guns, for instance), attributes (Might as an example), and backgrounds (Resources fits this category). Skills will fall somewhere on the Ladder (a range of values from -2 to 8, with each value assigned an adjective to help players conceptualize what each value is worth), providing a base modifier for skill check results. So a character might have Guns at Good (+3), where they'll add the value of their dice roll and any other modifiers (like bonuses from Aspects) to that base +3 to get their result. The system also provides a category of abilities called Mortal Stunts that build off of skills and either enhance them (for example, providing an area of specialty for that skill), or providing new abilities to represent the character's excellence with the skill (like the ability to use Weapons to attack multiple opponents at once).

Then there are Supernatural Powers. These range from physical characteristics (Claws, Hulking Size, Wings) to shape shifting, to increased strength, speed, and toughness, to the ability to cast spells. Supernatural Powers each cost a variable amount of a character's Refresh value (the value which determines where how many Fate Points they have at the start of a session), so the more powers you take, the less Fate Points your character has to call on Aspects. (Note: Mortal Stunts cost refresh too, but it's a flat 1 Refresh per stunt, where Powers could be anywhere from 1 to... well, anything theoretically.)

To help create characters that fit in with the Dresden Files books, DFRPG provides a group of Templates that list powers the character MUST have to be that type of supernatural, as well as additional powers that fit thematically, but aren't needed. This helps players design character who fit into the power level of the game they're playing in (for example, if your base Refresh for the game starts at 6, the Wizard Template isn't going to work). Templates will also help players design their character's High Concept, an Aspect that normally MUST reference their Template in some way (for example, Harry Dresden's High Concept is WIZARD PRIVATE EYE).

Character creation is a group process, and players are encourage to figure out the title of the first "book" their character was the main character in (Harry Dresden, for example, would use Storm Front). They then summarize this book, and design an Aspect based on that bit of their background. Then the players pass their stories around the group (it's recommended that the stories get written down on index cards) so that another player may add a small bit detailing how THEIR character was a supporting character in the story, and designing an Aspect for their character based on this guest appearance. Then you repeat the process, assuming there are enough players to do so. In this way each character is tied to a couple other characters, helping to form group unity (or sometimes conflict). I REALLY like this part of character creation, as I've played in far too many games where I was left wondering why the characters were working together.

The magic system does an excellent job of emulating what we see in the books, though I would warn you that the system isn't (in my opinion) meant to be read all at once. As I read through the system I found I had an easier time digesting and processing it if I took the section in small snippets. Your experiences may vary, and all that, but I throw it out there as a point of caution.

DFRPG is being released as two books. The first book contains all the information I've discussed thus far, plus city creation rules (which is also encouraged to be a group activity), more rules on combat and other gaming elements, suggestions for building scenarios, and rules for character advancement. The second book is designed to present the setting of the books to players/gms, and is a mixture of setting material and monster manual, providing stats for every critter encountered in the books (assuming stats are appropriate for them). The layout on both books is excellent, and the RPG is presented as a project written by Billy the Werewolf (fans of Butcher's books might recognize the character), given to Harry and Bob the Skull to look over and edit. There are notes from Billy, Harry, and Bob all over the margins of both books, or provided on Post-it-notes. These notes are either amusing commentary, or helpful suggestions. The illustrations come from the graphic novels adapted from the books, and are generally very appropriate to nearby topics. Getting both books at the same time is going to set you back approximately $90, but the books are well worth it, and you'll be getting a reasonable page count for your money (the first book's .pdf weighs in at 416 pages, while the second book comes in at 272). Evil Hat also normally provides .pdf copies of print books ordered from their website (and anyone who has the "beta" pre-release pdfs will get updated ones once the book is officially released).

I'm very excited to play this game. I'm currently looking for players to participate in an online game over Google Wave (my dice roller can emulate FUDGE dice), and we've already gathered two players (not counting myself). I'm thinking about putting out an invitation on my Facebook Wall to try and gain the interest of my gaming friends.

If you're interested in reading more about DFRPG, check out the game's website at http://www.dresdenfilesrpg.com where you check out plenty of previews, read the game designer blogs, and even download copies of the character sheet, or Harry Dresden's character sheet (aw, heck, here's the direct URL: http://www.dresdenfilesrpg.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Harry-Dresden.pdf). I'll be VERY eager to pick up physical copies of this game when it releases, though of course my budget will determine if I actually can. If you'd like more information about the books that have inspired this rpg, I'd encourage you to check out Jim Butcher's website at http://www.jim-butcher.com/ where you can read previews from some of the books, check out other books by Jim, read Jim's Blog, or even listen to a podcast!

End of Demented Rambling.

The Death of the Sump Pump, and Setting Your Fiance on Fire

Today (technically, yesterday) was an interesting day. It felt like I spent most of it out of the house. After Lisa got back from dropping the kids off at school while I guarded the house from Lex I went on my merry quest to return our library books and pick up the new books that had come in on reserve.

One problem. When I got to the library I remember the big stack of books I was taking back were still on the kitchen counter.

Oops.

Not to be thwarted in both my tasks, I entered the library determined to find Lisa's three books and my single book, all of which the Internet told me were on the reserve shelves. One of the library staff was putting out new reserves as I arrived and I smiled to myself, thinking "oh good, if I need help there will be someone right there!"

Second mistake. (The first being that stack of library books which were definitely NOT back at the library.)

I wandered over to the reserves section clearly marked 'B' (as Lisa still uses her ex's last name). I glanced down the shelves to confirm that I was, in fact, at the start of the 'B' section, which I was. I looked through the name tags and found a suspicious lack of 'Bennett' books. The staff member asked what I was looking for, and I explained that three books should be waiting for me on the shelves. She checked her cart and confirmed that there were no books for 'Bennett' there either. I explained that our account showed the books as being in, but we had not yet received our e-mails confirming availability.

I was then directed to the checkout desk, where I patiently waited in the small line to speak with a librarian about the issue. She confirmed that I was looking for books, not DVDs or CDs, and then told me to wait a moment while she checked in the back. I did as I was instructed and waited. She returned to apologize - the books weren't in the back either! So I returned to the reserve section to look again, just as a third staff member was wheeling out a cart which had several other 'B' reserves that had somehow failed to make it onto the first cart.

"What luck!" thought I, but alas, this cart also lacked the books I needed. I was about to question my sanity (always a good idea when your Rambling, right?) when the first staff member looked under the 'A' section and said, "Well the 'B's start here... oh, look! Here are your books!"

Apparently I have been mistaken for many years. The 'B' section does not begin where the shelf tags mark 'B' as starting... they start wherever the hell the library staff (who apparently are not required to understand alphabetizing) decide they start... and just because you are currently shelving books in a section does not apparently mean you actually have any knowledge of where anything is within that section.

Needless to say I grabbed the book reserved under my name and fled, before my grey matter could be sucked from my ears by the help. Thank the gods that checkout is automated! The computer and I had an insightful conversation regarding my library card number and library PIN number, as well as how I had a book waiting on me... I love that computerized checkout system!

I then went over to my parents on an errand, helped my mother remove a leaf from their dining room table, and had a long conversation regarding Cassandra and school. I won't repeat it, as it would require far more background information than I want to Ramble about to give you any sort of context. Suffice to say, we talked a while. I left and got gas in the car and made a quick stop at the bank, and then finally got home around 1:30.

I ate a quick lunch (left over asparagus pesto pizza topped in fontina and romano cheeses, and some vegetarian pot pie... mmmmmm!!!), and then Lisa and I bundled up Lex, grabbed the Library Books of Shame from the counter, and left to pick up the kids from school. We got there EXACTLY on time, meaning that I didn't need to bring The Hobbit (I'm refreshing my memory on it since I haven't read it since the Sixth Grade) with me.

From there we went BACK to the library, where I redeemed my earlier dishonor. Go me!

Next to Wal-Mart where Lisa picked up weed-killer, a new set of sheers, cilantro & mint herbs to plant, a new toothbrush (she's not planting that), and I got some more soap (I might plant that, but not it's not very likely) and looked at the prices of wood burning pens (I've needed a new rune set for some 8 years now, and I'm determined I'll make them myself, dammit). Some paint brushes so Lisa can finish painting the bathroom (if you want it don't well, DO NOT SEND ME, I PROMISE NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY YOU WILL NEED TO REPAINT), and then finally...

... home. Well, not immediately, because of course the scanner couldn't register the first roller Lisa got, so she had to run back and get another one. With a Wal-Mart manager standing right next to the cashier who could have used a walkie-talkie to get someone in painting to read us the price or barcode, or gone back herself... gotta love Wal-Mart!

Ok, so then home. And if you've made it through that you're probably going "I've been screwed, his title promised pyrotechnics and plumbing!" Fear not!

Dinner tonight was chicken kabobs on the grill (Lisa has a fancier name, but I don't remember it, and it's freaking kabobs so... KABOBS!!!). After discovering that the recipe did NOT call for Rice Vinegar like she had thought, but rather Rice WINE, Lisa had me go to Kroger to procure the cooking alcohol. 3rd trip to that store in as many days. One day we'll get a complete list for the week, but I don't know when. I explored Kroger up and down before finally finding what I believed to be the Rice Wine (it was), and a bottle of Sake just in case I was wrong and it could be used as a substitute (it can, but we didn't need to). Then back home.

While I was upstairs playing the game of "But Lex, Mommy Needs Me Downstairs so You Have to Stop Crying and Let Me Leave While You Play With Your Brother and Sister" that I love so much, Lisa got the grill out and got ready to start it up. Now, to let you know, the grill hates Lisa, and the feeling is returned by her. The other day she successfully lit it... well, successfully if you consider the fact that after 10 minutes of pre-heating it was barely past 200 degrees and I could barely tell the burners were on (considering the recipe called for the grill to be on 'High'). Despite her disputes with the grill, she decided to make another go at it...

... and when she came upstairs she informed me that her eyelashes were gone and so was some of the hair. I thought she was kidding. Then I stepped in close and smelled that unmistakable burnt hair smell, saw the shorter-than-normal eyelashes, and the much-shorter strip of hair and realized that she had actually created a mini-fireball with the grill.

(Just to confirm, she's ok, though her eyelids were burned and she can't quite apply vanilla to stop the burn from everywhere... oh, and from now on I'm starting the grill.)

I THINK she might have sprayed too much PAM on the grill before lightning it. I know I've had some spectacular pyrotechnics with the stuff when I've applied it to my lit grill without thinking. At least that's what I hope it was; I'd hate to have it happen again.

So dinner was had, and it was good, even though one kabob didn't cook all the way through, and Cassandra whined about the cooked red pepper (because she doesn't like red pepper cooked, you see). During clean up I headed downstairs to put some things away and noticed the walls were looking... moist.

For background, our sump pump has a habit of needing us to manually trigger the float; when we let it go, the basement starts flooding. So I pulled off the cover and prodded the float with a handy-dandy piece of quarter-round left over from the houses construction...

... and watched as the sump pump FAILED to turn on.

I unplugged it, and then plugged it back in.

Nothing.

I went to the circuit breaker, tripped the proper breaker, powered it back on and tried the Float again.

Nothing.

I plugged something else to the socket to confirm the socket worked properly. It does. I plugged the pump back in.

Nothing.

So the sump pump is dead, I've got a tank nearly full of water, a basement on the verge of flooding...

... and apparently a trip to Lowe's in store for me tomorrow while I price out sump pumps and try to figure out A) can I install this myself, B) if I can, how will I drain the tank, and C) if I can't, who do I call that doesn't include limbs on their bill?

Hello Bad Day, unpleasant to see you, go the hell away. Now. Get. Shoo!

End of Demented Rambling.

Semi-Vegetarian

Ok, so on the 2nd I went to my doctor for a physical (trying to keep up with those preventative check-ups, you know?). We got the results back and they were... well, mixed. On the plus side of things, my overall cholesterol was well within acceptable amounts, and my blood work showed absolutely average for any indicators of Type II Diabetes. On the negative, my triglycerides are through the roof. The verdict? Pretty much the one I knew I needed before I went: lose weight, and exercise more.

So exercising is already going on. I'm using the Wii Fit and the EA Sports Active exercise programs to help get my body used to working out again. Once I feel ready I'm going to join Lisa in doing the P90x program (probably one of the lower intensity programs). So we have the exercise change ready to go.

As far as my diet is concerned... well, the physical happened to time just right for Lisa's desire to start lowering the amount of meat we consume as a family. Even though vegetarian diets tend to actually lead to weight gain (lots of carbs), we're hoping that by going semi-vegetarian we can reduce the need to increase carbs, and even make it easier for me to go on no-carb diets, as my body seems to respond well to them.

We've been trying out some vegetarian dishes. Spinach & mushroom lasagna, a hot pot soup, vegetarian pot pie. Tonight we're doing a vegetarian chili. Lots of beans with this change of diet... and, correspondingly, a lot more [insert crude humor joke here].

I'll post as new things develop... and hopefully the posts will be good news!

End of Demented Rambling.

Movie Review: Shutter Island

Last night Lisa and I went to see "Shutter Island" on the big screen. We had different reactions to it. But first, a little bias on my part. I am not a big mystery fan; I just can't seem to get through mystery books. My favorite murder mystery movie is "Murder By Death"... specifically because it makes fun of the genre (and it's funny as hell). I also enjoy the Nero Wolfe series that was on A&E because of how odd Wolfe is. But I've tried Patterson and others... and I just can't get into them. Further, I've avoided any movie with Leonardo Dicaprio like the plague. Yes, that includes Titanic. I don't know why... I've just never had a desire to watch him.

So with that out of the way, let's talk about Shutter Island.

We decided to go see this movie after viewing one trailer online. We both agreed that it looked like a fun, scary movie. Knowing little more than the trailer and that it was based on a book, we set off to see the movie the second night it was open.

Shutter Island is about a pair of Federal Marshals in the 1950s who go to a mental institution for the criminally insane in search of a patient who has vanished. The institution is on an island with only one way on or off - a ferry. Edward Daniels (Dicaprio) has a problem with water and we quickly learn of a tragedy in his past. His wife died in a fire in their apartment. The two Marshals are met with odd restrictions and resistance from the staff at the institution and quickly become trapped on the island due to a hurricane. The mystery deepens as we learn that Daniels has an a secret motive behind working this case and that all is not as it seems on Shutter Island... including a twist at the end of the movie.

There is some great acting in this movie. Dicaprio does a good job, though his character is so hard-boiled that there isn't much emotional range needed. When emotion is called for, however, Dicaprio does deliver. Further, Ben Kingsley does an excellent job as Dr. Cowley, the doctor in charge of the institution. You get a genuine sense that Cowley wants to help his patients with a more humane series of treatments than most psychiatric facilities provide during the time period. Even when I suspected that Cowley might be a nefarious genius behind diabolical experiments I STILL wanted him to be a good guy. Mark Ruffalo, on the other hand, comes off flat. At the end of the movie I had a hard time believing that his character was qualified for his job. (Yes I'm aware that my statement is vague, but I don't want to spoil anything.)

The visual quality of the movie is fantastic. There were no scenes in which I had any problems seeing what was going on because of lighting issues. The sets were well-designed, especially for the flashback scenes at the Dachau concentration camp.

The only production element I took issue with was the sound, though this might have been a problem with the theater's sound equipment. At one point there is a gun shot in the movie. The scene is meant to be suspenseful, and the gun shot is meant to make the audience jump - except that it can't because we're expecting it. I jumped anyway because the gun shot was so much louder than what I expected. I actually suspect that this was done intentionally - the director knew we weren't going to be shocked by a simple gun shot, so he increased the volume so we'd jump because our ear drums hurt so much.

Shutter Island was not a scary movie - the trailers are completely off. It isn't even really suspenseful. At no time did I worry about Daniels' life, and I'd figured out a lot of the plot elements before the real climax of the movie. The reality of the big twist threw me for a loop though, but not in a way that I appreciated because it failed to finish off what I had felt was a great movie. The story I had been enjoying was gone, replaced with... well, something else.

Don't get me wrong, I may not have liked the ending, but I don't regret having seen the movie. Further, the movie has gotten me interested in reading the book (purchased my copy today), and what better result can a movie inspired by a book have than to interest a viewer in reading the book?

If you haven't seen this movie, you should consider checking it out with no expectations of being scared. If you're a mystery fan there's a good chance you'll have a different reaction than I did. Lisa loved Shutter Island. If I actually had a rating system for movies, I'd give this a solid three Demented Ramblings out of five.

End of Demented Rambling.

Oh My Gods... Someone Reads This!

I was just informed that my friend Tom Gerlitzki knew about my birthday... from reading this blog!

Someone reads this! I'm actually going to need to start watching what I say!

Ok, this is a crappy post after 10 days (but anyone reading this is used to MUCH LONGER breaks between posts), but I felt the silly need to acknowledge that someone is actually reading this. Yay!!!!

(Side Note: Mass Effect 2 rocks hard core. If you haven't played it, you should. If you don't have an Xbox 360... shame on you. If you don't have a PC that can run it... get a 360!!!)

End of Demented Rambling.

4 more days...

Only four more days until I turn 30.

WOOHOO!!!!

I admit that this might be an odd reaction to turning 30. I mean, most people seem to try to ignore getting older, or pretend that somehow the aging process works in reverse for them. But what the hell, in four days I WILL HAVE SURVIVED UNTO A THIRD DECADE.

And frankly, I think that's a damn amazing thing.

I mean come on, we have soldiers out on multiple fronts, terrorist attacks all over, and an obscene crime rate (and think about this; crime rates only represent the reported crimes... High crime rate in your city? Your local PD must be doing SOMETHING right!). Drunk drivers are on our streets, not to mention the mental condition that turns nearly every Ohio driver into a complete moron when a little snow or rain hits the highway...

Yup. I don't deserve a purple star, but if someone bought me a coffee mug with some tasteless gag about turning 30, I'd drink from it every day with pride... you know, until I hit 40, and then I want a new mug! So that birthday present? I'll take it in pride, and all the good-natured ribbing and pranks, and even the spankings... but only from Lisa, and only in privacy!

The only bad thing about turning 30 is that damned colonoscopy I'm due for... I've had one, I know what it's like and I do not have to look forward to it! But, y'know, everything has its ups and downs.

Some come Saturday while everyone is out rushing around going "holy crap, tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I didn't get [significant other] ANYTHING!!!", take a moment to pause and go, "Happy 30th birthday, ya [insert tasteless nickname here]!", and drop an old-age joke on me!

End of Demented Rambling.

Ugh, Ugh, and (guess what) Ugh...

Still in my bad habit of not updating this as often as I would like. Sorry about that folks!

My migraines continue, though most days I'm perfectly fine. Most days. Not today, but most days. Sucks to be me today. On the plus side, my doctor has had me taking high blood pressure medication as a preventative... so hopefully my naturally-high blood pressure has been coming back into the "normal" range. I keep meaning to stop by the machines at Wal-Mart or Kroger and find out, but never remember when I'm at either location.

One week till my birthday (and Cassandra's by default). And by some odd luck, our tax return money should be hitting around the 12th... just in time for me to run out and buy my birthday present... Mass Effect 2 (for the Xbox 360)! I'm excited to get it. Just replayed the first one so I'd have a save game from recent memory to import over. Eric already got the game and has been making me jealous by telling me things about it (I don't think he's purposefully making me jealous... but that doesn't help). MUST HAVE GAME!!!!

We also went ahead and told Gamefly we wanted to keep Dragon Age: Origins... good thing too, because I'd had it since before Thanksgiving! I got the codes that come with retail purchases as well, so I have the special armor available in that game and Mass Effect 2 as well as the free DLC for Dragon Age. Yay!!!

Playing so much Mass Effect has gotten me wanting to write up the setting for the Savage Worlds RPG. Why Savage Worlds? No idea, really, but I keep wanting to do it SPECIFICALLY for SW, so I think there must be a reason (seriously, I've considered GURPS, Alternity, HERO, Trinity/Aeon, etc. and nothing else appeals to me).Maybe I should post some thoughts on the blog as I actually work on it. I'll think about it.

I've also been wanting to play a game of Trail of Cthulhu (powered by GUMSHOE). I'm going to be writing my first adventure for it soon... I'm just still trying to figure out how many scenes I want, and consider a line of clues to use to help the players reach the climax. I really like the ideas behind GUMSHOE, and I think it can create an awesome game. I still want to read "Fear Itself" and "The Essoterrorists" to see some other points of view on GUMSHOE. Add to that list "Realms of Cthulhu" and "Hellfrost" for Savage Worlds... they look like great campaigns!

(y'know, there's too much RPG-goodness out there... I'd need three of me to read EVERYTHING I want to check out, much less run the games.)

That's enough for right now. Talk to you all next year (ok, hopefully not, right?)

End of Demented Rambling.